Disappear

No matter what you do good, all they see are the bad ones over and over and over and over and over againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

I wish I can just disappear.

Murderer: Killing Time

I'm out, alone, with my Curly Tops and Ellie. Oops, I bought a book a while ago, hopefully I can read it and finish everything in a few days. Been wanting to have a copy of Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie, I've read lines from the book that a friend once shared. So there, I bought my copy. I've seen this book few years back, but I never intended to buy it before. The cover looks plain and boring so I didn't bother. The true essence of a book isn't always seen from the cover. It was wrong of me to judge the book by its cover. You have to flip the page and dig into the couch and savor every word that your eyes read.

This was my initial plan for the day.

A. Go on a road trip. Waste some gas to feel the road. It makes me feel stronger.

B. Watch a movie at the cinema.

C. To top it all, be alone with myself.

On my right is Ellie, with earphones plugged and the other end in my ears playing random songs. The noise in this place is just not conducive to being alone and reflecting, but I can stand it. I just had to hit the volume loud enough to look as if there's no one else with me. I came here in a coffee shop with with two other customers in front of me, I just don' t know if how many hours were they here, but still they're here. Can anyone of you leave now so that I can transfer there on the cozy couch? :D I came here at around 11:30 am, it's now 2:31 pm at this very moment.

I'm a murderer, I killed time and still killing it now. Good thing it didn't cry out loud, no blood came out. If time is alive, I guess time has died for a million times, but it's immortal. I wanted to sit idly but Curly Tops just doesn't want to be left out or rather this is my pacifier. I can vent out with him when I'm feeling sad. I ordered one White Mocha Java Tall, and this time the hot version and not the Java Frost. A few hours after, I had my second order, Lasagna.

It's funny when people go to coffee shops or any other restaurants just to surf the net. Of course you have to pay for the food that you have to order. It's but mandatory to order something if you're going to sit using their utilities. haha Mahiya ka naman sitting there without ordering anything. Sip the coffee by milliliters, every after 15 minutes, it would take you hours just to finish the whole drink. Order one by one if you're planning to stay for a few hours. Are you paying for the coffee? Are you paying for the food? Are you paying for the wifi service? The answer is yes for all the three questions, but I'm paying to be alone. Crap, what kind of reasoning is that?! Ang emo naman. Kidding aside, I just wanted to feel every bit of me right now, reflecting what has happened after 2010 opened it's doors to all of us.

To conclude, I laid my 3 plans, I only achieved the last one, PLAN C.

Plan A Fall Back: One of the rear tires got punctured. Good thing it wasn't my fault. Paps had to had it vulcanized. So no road trip for me, and I saved up some gas.

Plan B Fall Back: After having my pedicure done, I thought I'll be watching any of the movies here in this mall. Too bad, I got lazy.

Plan C VICTORY: Literally not alone, because there's a lot of people around me. What I'm saying is, I went here alone, talking to no one, except when I ordered for my food. So there, I killed time and still killing it now. Is there anyone who wants to save time for me? Don't dare or I'll eat you! haha If you have a perfect reason to save time with me, you have to prove that you're worth my time. Naks. As if meron. haha

I just wanted to nourish my mind and soul. This is why I'm murdering time now.

Btw, one downside of being alone while you're out is this, walang magbabantay sa gamit mo kung wiwiwi ka na. waaaa lalo na hnd ka pa naman aalis. hahaha

Joan's Cube

Life is colorful... just like the Rubik's Cube.

Which cube do you prefer to look at, the solved cube or the unsolved cube? Both of them are still colorful. Life with problems and without problems are both colorful. It just depend on how you perceive them that makes it colorful or not.

I hope solving problems or confusions is just like solving the Rubik's Cube.

By just following the pattern you'll get to put all the colors together on the same side.

But if you do not have the patience to follow the pattern, chances are, you'll never solve the cube

We control our own cube. We control our own life.

Shoe Swings for Mood Swings

I am not a "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" kind of girl as Marilyn Monroe performed her song with the same title. I'd rather save up rather than purchase those shining shimmering bling blings that are top of the line. Though my mom at times let me use a few whenever there are important occasions, still I don't find them worthy of my savings. What would be my material best friend that is commonly used? Shoes and sun glasses. The shoe addiction really runs in the family but the sun glasses addiction makes me and my sister guilty about it. I had a bad day today, or shall I say a not so good day. I totally forgot that I don't have any black shoes at home now, because some were already given to our relatives. I was planning to borrow in order for me not to spend but I ended up buying a new pair. To make myself feel better I just said to myself "ok lng, wla na akong black shoes eh parati nlng sandals". Lesson learned: If you're upset, stay away from malls or any store that will tempt you empty your wallets.

Shoes gives women a kind of uplifting stature especially high heeled shoes. If one wears flat shoes it means that she's quite lazy or it's just an ordinary day for her. While more women find it comfortable to use flats, some would still use high heeled shoes even for a walk in the mall. Shoe swings as mood swings. The shoes of a woman will also depend on the her mood.

Oh, btw, I'm all set for my task tomorrow. Kris Aquino or whoever Aquino will come, my shoe is ready, but my dress isn't. Although I have them already hanged in my closet, the problems is, which one to wear in the morning and which one to wear in the afternoon-evening? These are just simple tasks yet women find it difficult to choose. It's indeed a girl thing that no man can understand.

See you tomorrow!

*the sparkling thing on the shoe is not a bling bling sort of thing. It just added to the shoes' velvet feel of the material making it look more attractive

Again

Weaknesses are receded strengths that needs to be redeemed with pure determination.

Wala lang, bigla nnman lng nag pop out sa utak ko. When I woke up this morning, i felt something is not right. Tsk tsk I hope I can overturn it the other way around.

Hayy enough of all these!

Food from the Soul

I slept at around 1:30 am due to some layout stuff for a tarp for my mom's graduating students. Dahil sa kaantukan ko di ko rin natapos, kaya tinatapos ko pa ngaun. Kelangan ko ng ipaprint to this lunch time. I woke up at 6:30, 5 hours of sleep was I guess not enough because while waiting for the water to heat up I still managed to sleep for a few minutes. For almost 3 months I've been trying to change my sleeping habit and I know I haven't succeeded yet.

I'm in yellow today, the color makes me feel light, kaya nga cguro di rin halata that I still lack sleep. At around 9:30, Sir Mon came, he is the husband of our former Psychometrician, Ma'am Gaile who passed away last November. Their eldest son will be graduating from high school this Sunday and according to Sir Mon, it's a must that our office be given a treat because of Rainier's achievement. Sir Mon even joked, baka pagalitan daw sya ni Ma'am Gaile kung hnd kami ittreat.

We reminisced our moments with Ma'am Gaile before her sudden death by the video presentation that a student made and which I also prepared. The song that I used in the presentation was "Greatest Memory" by Hope. Bigla nnman tuloy ako na sad.

We were all reminded of how good and kind she was and how much we miss her. She was a mom and friend to us.

So there we ordered over the telephone and nag ready na kami for the salo-salo. Together with us was Kuya Pao who was also close to Ma'am Gaile. Ang galing nga timing nya eh, tamang tama may food from our special someone. He was even wondering kung bakit daw may food, sbi namin galing ki Ma'am Gaile yan.. so he said.. "It's FOOD FROM THE SOUL".

We will never forget the lines from the presentation during your last day here on earth. "I may have stayed short but don't prolong my agony by your grieving". We're doing fine Ma'am Gaile, personally, I'm also adjusting with big leaps in my footsteps, I know you're always there ready to guide me especially when it comes to Psychological Testing.

We truly miss you Ma'am Gaile.

The Meantime Girl

The Meantime Girl

She`s the one you call when you`re bored because she makes you laugh. She`s the one you talk to when you`re feeling down because she`s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She`s not the one you call when you need a date to your company`s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She`s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find `The One`. You know, the one you keep in the MEANTIME.

She`s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don`t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She`s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in the light. She`s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She`s too understanding, too comfortable. Doesn`t make you feel nervous or excited the way a `real` woman does. But she`s cool, nice and funny, and attractive enough that when you`re lonely and need intimate female companionship, she`ll do just fine.

You don`t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don`t have any facades to keep up, no pretense to preserve. You`re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She`s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you. And you know that you don`t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she`ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn`t the beginning of a relationship or that there`s any possiblity that you have any real romantic feelings for her.

It won`t bother her that you`ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you`ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She`ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She`s just so cool.. why can`t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don`t.. because to you, the situation between the two of you isn`t important enough to merit any real thought) you know that it`s really not fair.

You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don`t think she`s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it`smostly her fault, because she doesn`t have to give in to your needs - she could really play hard-to-get. Bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn`t pull it off. Maybe she`s too short, or a little overweight, or has big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell, or just really not that type.

Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You`ll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she`ll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn`t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile.

Mainly, she blends in with the crowd. She`s safe. She doesn`t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone`s head. She wants to be SPECIAL to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger heart than any woman you`ve ever known because she`s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you`ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is. - Anonymous

http://www.angelfire.com/stars5/themeantimegirl/

For two years or so, i found this post from angelfire. I'll just post this once more. Just like what sissy that over fb. hehe

Simple

This post will be my last acknowledgement from my birthday celebration because it’s about a last gift.I think I still have my hangover and birthday jitters that consumed me for the past 4 days. Last Saturday, someone gave me a Swiss Muesli Cake from Brekkie. Honestly speaking, it was an unexpected gift. To cut it short there are 4 unique things about that present.

First, it was the 4^th and last cake that I received.

Second, it was the smallest cake good for one.

Third, it was the only healthy cake. Only a few people know about my 104 fbs. :D

And Fourth, it was only from one person. The other three cakes were all given by a group.

Despite all ragging comments at the thread and meets, thank you.

It's as simple as that, no other words but thank you. =)

You added color to my birthday celebration.

To the rest of the guys and gurls, enough with the intrigued grins in your faces. Haha Wag maging malisyoso at malisyosa. :P

Family's Love

Sunday is always known as the family day. Sunday is my only rest day and Sunday is the only day that our small family is complete. My last birthday celebration was of course with my family. We had a simple lunch at Max’s Restaurant at SM. It’s our usual routine that after hearing mass we eat out in various restaurants every Sunday.

Safety Zone

Last night, I had a chat with my Sissy Ching. We did some catching up on our latest happenings in our lives. Here's another common thing in us. It's no doubt why we have been close because of some things that we usually talk about. We don't know if this is bad luck or there's something wrong with us. Actually there is. Haha

The following are random thoughts and realizations that I gathered from our conversation.

• MU can be MisUnderstanding, Malabong Usapan and not anymore Mutual Understanding. MisUnderstanding is the latest definition of MU.

• From the text message of Ching this morning: "Sometimes it's better to push someone away, not because you stopped loving that someone, but because you have to love yourself and shield yourself from too much pain."

• Another argument from that message is: Loving oneself and shielding oneself from too much pain is better than loving with no assurance. At least you kept something for yourself, right?
  
  
• Shielding oneself from pain is selfishness covered with fear and not giving yourself a chance to be loved by others.

• You may be saying that you love the person, but you are not ready to take the risk of letting him love you, then it isn't love that you are feeling as well.

• The fear is growing within you that all the other senses are blocked... most especially the "heart sense" which gives us the ability to love and be loved by others.

• We are in our safety zone, away from pain, we are feeling the pain now that is why we are shielding ourselves. We are hesitant to move away from this safety zone.

• Common ground of all these?? Fear.

hayyyzz Chingkay, baka magkatotoo si snabi ni Jobo sato, na dai na kita maaragom. lol.

New Found Friends

The last quarter of 2009, I met a number of people over a forum called skyscrapercity. These people are particularly from CamSur with wide personalities, in an array of ages and professions. Despite all these differences, we have one thing in common, the love for Naga, Iriga and Camarines Sur Provinces in general. Before I joined the group, I really didn't have any idea that my photos were being used by the SSC CamSur forumers. Not until I tried Googling NCD myself and other photos that I noticed a few webistes with my posts in it.. and there one of them is SSC. It was then I realized that my photos were in good hands. I registered earlier than Kuya Pao but he was more active than me those days while I was a lurker for a few months. Until I decided to sound off a little around July or August of last year. The forumers were now able to meet me in the forum as the NCD who maintains the same blog. In a span of 7 months (approximately) that I have been with the SSC Forumers, It was quite a short time but it seems I knew them already for a year or so. It was an instantaneous professional growth along with friendship. What I like about these people is the professionalism that each and everyone shares. We treat each other professionally but we also know how to become friends with each other.

It's even ironic that I am able to post in the thread first rather than in my blog. Although I hate it because all the forumers around the world makes the skyscrapercity owner richer than we have ever imagine and I am guilty contributing to that. But without SSC i have no new found friends.

To those who came last Saturday Night at Triboo Grill, namely: Kuya Pao, Brian, JP, Sir Bob, Kuya Irvz and Aidz. Thank you so much! The drive to CWC was fun and it was also a time for us to catch up with updates as to what we usually do in the thread. Conversations about the recent developments in CamSur will never be separated to all of us.

I really believe that God knows how to provide, if people leave you for a rather important reason, then God certainly knows how to replace their presence in a form of different personalities... the SSC people. I despise people who leave me, been there done that but everything has a reason that's why I had to put it in my system that people around you have their own journeys to take. It's in the thought and memories that I can hold on to.

More roadtrips, more choochoo rides, hopefully beach escapades to come!

Exploring CamSur is Endless!

Kudos to SSC CamSur!

Good Luck and God Bless to our Future PROJECTS!

Surprised!

The Association of Psych Majors had their scheduled General Assembly. As their adviser, I was there to observe and somehow guide them during the activity. I went upstairs at the venue during the latter part because I was still finishing some office works.

First part of the surprise was: I was called in the office because someone was looking for me. There were two pink roses for me daw given by someone. Kinukulit ko yung mga nasa office kung kanino galing and they weren't telling me. Nagkataon din na may client pa ako sa Testing kaya I had to stay for a few minutes.

Then I went back to the venue of the General Assembly..... then and there as I entered the room, I saw my picture flashed on the wall with a birthday greeting. I was having my birthday jitters for the first time. I wasn't expecting that they will be giving me a surprise party. Why did I say that it was a party? It's because it was complete, cake (my 3rd one hehe), plus with matching flowers and wine. So there, I found out that the flowers given downstairs was there way for them to set up the table, food and everything. They gave too much effort in cooking Pancit (special mention from the very good cook Ate Jessica) then my puto and kutsinta pa, hotdogs and pineapple, then juice. Who would have thought that they would they had to do it just for me. I know I can never replace their former mother who recently passed away, but I am trying my best as their teacher and adviser to be there, ate, manay, teacher, adviser and friend in my own ways.

To my APM Family: Psych Majors, of course, headed by Kuya Ron, at ang mga totoong Ate ko tlga, hehe, Ate Kat Fabi, Ate Jessica P., Ate Joyce P., Ate MeAnn, ate Kat, Emrose, Kuya Philip, Irene, Emrose, Len, waaaa you’re so plenty. Philip, our new president, I know it will be fun working with you. Psych Testing Class ko thanks! plus ALL the others na palagi din ready to help the Guidance Center. Bsta super thank you, nakaka touch si ginibo nindo.

Heart Felt Birthday Celebration

Friendship means across all ages, across different orientations and across a lifetime. I thank God for having the following people around me who were molded into different packages yet I found the goodness and best in them.

This is the first time that I had more than one celebration of my birthday.

March 16, 2010: Had dinner with sister Kevs at Megamall. I made sure to meet her when I had my training in Manila.

March 18, 2010: At around 2:00 pm, the lights in my room were closed. The Peer Counselors Organization gave me my first surprise greeting placed on the wall plus with the sparkly candle lighted chocolate cake roll. (Cake Number 1)

To my PCO Family, thank you!: Ma'am Angz, Kuya Squall, Kuya Jett, Ate Donna, Kuya Nins, Kuya Jord, Kuya Lem, Kuya RJ, Kuyre Regz, Kuya Ben, and ALL the other PEERS who are always there for the Guidance Center. Salamat sa surprise cake and matching greeting in my room!

March 18, 2010: After the Peers' surprise, we attended a wedding at St. Jude Thaddeus Parish Church, Ma'am Bebz was one of the Principal Sponsors, while my task was to read the First Reading. After the wedding, we decided to have coffee at TCB.

March 19, 2010: Minutes after midnight, I received countless heart warming greetings. I decided to take half of the day at home then went to school at around 3:oo pm. I haven't prepared anything else rather than Ice cream, it's funny though that anything that we share inside the office is always a kind of bond formation, pasensya na ice cream lng naibigay ko hehe.

To my Guidance Center Family, thank you!: Ma’am Regz, Ma’am Angz, Ma’am Sherry, Teacher Colet, Ma’am Lan, Ma’am Nel, Ate Mildred, Ate Ann, Ate Princess, Ate Joni, Ate Jazz.

I received my 2nd cake!! This was no surprise because I was really waiting for that very oozing thick chocolate cake from Ching. To my extended Llaguno siblings, Thanks sa uber yummy chocolate cake!!!! Chinkgay, Jillapot and Jobay Llaguno, Shine, Tita Dada and Tito Awel. Ksama pa si Barrack and Amanda hehe

Later that day, we decided to visit Shen Fu Li's wake. Oh btw, it's Saint Josephs' Day. We left SJS, then I had the chance to bond with my cousin. Together with me was my sister and cousin Shami @ TCB once more. It's seldom that we usually spend time with cousins from my father side, that's why it's a celebration worth remembering. Went home at around midnight already.

March 20, 2010: Surprise from the Association of Psychology Majors. for details just click on the link.

To my LITZ Familia, who I mostly got the earliest greetings, they are always there no matter what happens, they are my guardians. As in Guard kc we have a dog pa. haha Vonskiee, Jess, Boss Dan, Mai, Dog, Roan. Sa mga ANAK KO, Nak Ryan, Nak Kit, Nak Tin, hehe.

To my former workplace in Daet, most especially, Kats and Aiz thanks sa greetings and wishes! Girl power!!

To my HIGHSCHOOL Friends from St. Jo Batch 2002, Jerry, Ruthie, Bes Lala, Jessy, si Tukay Djoanne, Honeylen, Mark D., Boling, Sheena T., and all the others pa, I miss you guys! We might be all separated by distance but I know you're always there.

To my COLLEGE Friends from SLU. My gawd, heaven knows, I truly miss you big time guys!!! Fanget Bes!! Kelan ka uuwi pinas? Rain, Michelle, Serlyn, Eloi, Alex, Ina, Glenskiee, to Nicx I’m wishing for your complete recovery. Punta naman kau dto sa Bicol, ilang taon ko na kayo hinhintay hehehe. Akyat ako this April, I can’t wait to spend my time with you guys again! Pre-celebration birthday ko last yr kayo una kong ksama na nag celebrate, March 1, 2009 at that.

March 21, 2010 8:30 PM, To my new found friends, Skyscrapercity CamSur!! Kahit lagi nyo akong linalatik sa meets, I’m happy that I met you guys. More power to SSC CamSur and good luck to all our projects!

Bhujhabhao, Bryan, Pareng Kevs, Aidz, JP, Ms. Ina, Domeng, Sir Bob, Father Xavier, Jamir, Sir Garzland, Sir Hakz, Mike, Kuya Irvs, Doc Naga Boy, Father Xavier, Mike, whew I hope I didn’t forget someone at baka may magtampo nnman. Hehe Ms. Ina thanks sa joint gift mo saamin ni JP. Cheers!!

March 21, 2010: Of course the last and the most important celebration wit my family. With our usual routine every Sundays, we had lunch at Max's SM. Thank you for everything, the support love, and care through my Silver Year. Momsy, Papi, Te, Syd and Bem.

I may have not mention all your names, but God knows how thankful I am for having you guys as my friends, siblings, and family. I love you guys!

It was a birthday celebration that I truly felt and I will never forget.