I Witnessed A Murder Scene

I was in a murder scene. I saw the murderer and I saw the victim. I was driving on my way home at around 10:30 in the evening after celebrating the birthday of a friend. Until now, the scene is still fresh, dark and freaky. I can still feel the very minute that I was ill at ease when I saw the panorama of a merciless killer. I saw the fast slaying of the killer using an instrument inhumane enough to kill the victim. I don’t know if it was intently done to hurt the victim or it was just an accident. I heard the shaky, screaming, and excruciating voice of the victim as he was hastily hurt by the perpetrator. I saw the mother running towards his son (the victim), she was so helpless and cried her heart out. When I heard the painful voice and the striving for breath of the victim and the mother, I felt so hopeless and weary. I got so depressed that I was able to do nothing to save him. I just drove away from the scene scared enough to go to sleep and veil myself from the perpetrator.

The morning after the incident, I still saw the body of the victim, telling myself that it’s better for him to be dead rather than live in pain, broken built and scars. No more agony will be felt and no more struggling for air. I admit that I didn’t do anything, but I helped him end his agony instead.

MURDERER: Honda CRV (The driver)
VICTIM: Poor Little Puppy 

Just Another Stupid Dream

I hold on to nothing
As a matter of fact
I can’t hold on to something
All I have are my dreams
And during the night it gleams

My dream is so peaceful
We were not face to face, but
I can feel warmth of your hug
That even made me feel at a snug
I can feel the clinch of your hand to mine
That I can even cheer for a toast of wine
But all this does not leave me hopeful

And now I’m awake
Oh, it’s just a dream
Just another stupid dream
All I felt was true
And all the rest was fake

CANcer

What the hell are we going to eat now?

Is everything on our dining tables safe to eat or drink? Weeks and months ago we had this issue about China-made toys which contained lead. Now we have the melamine scare which is brought about by China again. For Buddha’s sake! Poor China… they have been famous in just a blink of an eye but as an eye-sore, a negative image for them as I must say. What is it like to live in China if what they produce, toys or food it may be are unsafe to consume or use? Of course, we have to ask people from China themselves in order to see and hear their side. Are you guys alright there? I will not be surprised if few months from now, there will be another news that another product can cause Cancer. Duhhh

From the very rare and common illnesses, we have this very famous CANCER today. Again, everything that we consume is more or less linked to CANCER very often. From the very word itself, Cancer.. for me it means.. “We are NOT CANCER FREE, but we CAN be CERtified with it. Why? (Well, let us not be biased that China itself or China-made products are cancerous, let us not discriminate them, after all we are all victims of our reality).

From the very bottle of water, sodas that we drink and chunky chips that we munch in school or work place…

From the French fries, big burgers and chickens that we savour with our discount coupons in fast food chains…

From the appetizers, taste enhancers, and artificial spices that we deposit in the food that we cook in our kitchens…

From the cosmetics, conditioners and shampoos that can contain sodium laureth sulphate to make people feel and look better…

From all these froms can we still say that we are Cancer Free? Nahhhh It’s all around us!
What option do we have? Go back to basics? Natural and organic food? Sure! Why not?? But the question is, can we do it? Our generation got used to everything we call “instant” and “fast”, because we are so preoccupied with a lot of stuffs and activities. People got no more time to plant in their backyards (but I guess there are no backyards nowadays for those living in urban cities) and people gets so lethargic to cook in their own kitchens.

Besides that we are into the so-called unhealthy lifestyle, we also have this unhelpful attitude to be better and healthy. Who doesn’t want to eat what everybody else eat, right? While the rest is enjoying, why deprive ourselves eat the luscious and yummy snacks that our food services offer?

After all what’s said and done, yes we have to be careful of what we eat if we want to live longer. If we can’t avoid or completely stop eating unhealthy foods, then MINIMIZE them.. with capital M.I.N.I.M.I.Z.E

Death on the Wall

RIP: Mr. Lizardo or Ms. Lizarda
Date of Birth: Unknown
TIime and Date of Death: Unknown
Place of Death: On the Wall

Yucks, kadiri..ewww. describe the lizard the way you like it.. hehe I'm not afraid of lizards, i just don't like their "magnetic" "paws" haha and I hate it when they just drop their shits as if the air
is their comfort zone.

One night, i saw a house lizard on the side of the wall, somewhere near the secret door of my room. This lizard, as shown in the photo was on the wall and wasn't moving. The next morning i saw it again, with the same head position on the same place. Hmmm this is weird, then i let it pass. THe next day, there it was again, grrrr then i called papa, "pa can you look at this lizard, is it dead or still alive?" Then he took his lighter with a flashlight. "IT's DEAD!" Hahaha funny i had to get the hard broom and dust pan just to get it to throw away. I was even hesitant to take it off the wall because i said what if it will still jump waaaaaa but then i overcomed my fear then successfully took it off with ease.

Now i learned that even lizards can die on the wall, with the hands and feet still stuck on it.
But my mind kept on wondering, what was the cause of the death, maybe heart attack ey? hehehehe

Genuinely Untold

What if love doesn’t have a name?

Will I feel numb and plain?

What if love wasn’t created

Will I be devastated?

This I felt before long

But I know it doesn’t have to stay long

This love is untold

And it has to be withhold

As it rests in silence will it be weak?

If it boasts in delight will it smile and shriek?

But I chose to keep this love in cloak-and-dagger

That no one will ever blabber

No queries to be asked

No weariness to be worried

This love will be left untold

It will rest in silence to last forever

It will boast in my heart to eternity

And in secrecy it will grow genuinely

~ by babytanya16 on September 28, 2008.

One Response to “Genuinely Untold”

1. very nice…
   but if love be untold..
   how can it survive?
   if its in your heart
   then it is alive..
   no matter how you hide it
   it will always leak out
   no secret can be kept
   for every one has a mouth..
   it is a difficult dilemma
   this love that they say..
   i wish everything would just stay the same
   and maybe that special person would come knockin one day…….:)

   nathan said this on September 29, 2008 at 4:08 pm

Amity to Animosity?

It has been years since I last cried copiously
I came and pass by your life. I stayed and I enjoyed your company.
Now I’m here trying to abscond your presence.

At first I was at a snug and apparently like a blissful melodious harp
Each day gave me the chance to open myself up to the world I kept on eluding
From the denigration that I got from my past life,
You made me realize that there are a lot of good things in life that I need to treasure.

Why am I crying right now as I see your funny face in my head?
Why am I crying as I hear your hilarious jokes and your evil laughter whenever we tattle about something?

I know you have your own life to take
And I am there to witness it; I was there when I witness it
I now feel that it was just for the meantime
That you and I were enjoying each other’s company
That you and I thought that our friendship will last as it is

But now, it’s only me who is deeming that there was something else in store for us
And the veracity is… there isn’t any
Our friendship has stopped walking to its destination
Coz its destination is the ended journey

Now what is left is me alone
Just to look back at you and your shadow as it nearly touches mine
Time has made it possible to allow us to live our own lives
Destiny has made it possible to grow in separate ways

It’s amazing how we shared our destiny once and left off in different directions
Was there a girth of realization that you are fleeing my presence too?
I just hope our amity will not turn into animosity.

[22 July 2008]

Nerds for Happiness

Shake the box and I’ll know that it’s the tiny, tangy, crunchy candy. At my age of 23, I’m a guilty addict of NERDS! This candy was introduced to me by a classmate way back elementary days. Even a candy reminds me of how time scampers. Way back 90’s, the regular box with two sides of flavour was P15 and now it’s P25.

If you can see at the bottom part of the box, it has a familiar logo to us consumers, Willy Wonka Candy Company is under Nestlé. Yes, like the ice cream that we eat, the coffee, and other daily consumables out in the market.

What flavour do I munch that much? The pink one, strawberry flavor. The tiny, cute, and pebble-like candy makes me feel like a child every time I eat a box of Nerds. I usually get the regular box with two sides of flavours 46.7 grams, Grape and Strawberry. Wonka made it two sides to balance out the taste.

Sweetness fires up as you put the candy in your mouth, then the tingling sourness of the candy cracks out from it, then back to the sweet taste once again. The other flavours are apple coated watermelon (red) and lemonade coated wild cherry (yellow). The smaller box which contains about 20-25 grams is seldom sold here in the Philippines. Especially here in Naga, we don’t have yet an exclusive candy store for kids and kids at heart. I have a few friends who are addicted to Nerds too and there are stories behind every box of Nerds opened.

Even though it’s artificially flavoured and artificially colored.. who cares!

Nerds doesn’t make me a nerd but it certainly does make me happy.

[29 June 2008]

Is Your Heart Beating at the Right Corner of Your Mind?

There is no perfect timing if the world needs an answer

With the puff of the wind, it knows and it hears

No matter how soft the beating of your heart is,

If it yells in pain, it is heard up to the mountain top

As the wind carries your voice, it leads you to a jiffy of silence

Are you true to what you are saying?

OR Is your heart beating at the right corner of your mind?

[22 June 2008]

Warning: Peole Don't Stay the Same

Okay.. these are few of the results of my Enneagram Personality Test

Your Personality Type is The Romantic

You are the sensitive withdrawn kinds. You think of yourself to be special. You aim to achieve a sense of emotional equilibrium to reconnect with the original source. You value individuality, creativity and beauty as well. The negative side is that you maybe envious, jealous and prone towards melancholy and a feeling of abandonment. You are temperamental and dramatic by nature. You are highly interested in arts.

Your Wing is The Observer

In hunt of the omniscience and knowing, the concentration of the Five goes to observing, hiding and withholding. You are in search for true realization and spirituality. You may be prone to loneliness but possess enough tendencies to be independent. Sometimes you may feel social awkward. This can be easily overcome by maintaining public attachments. You have a sharp intellect and need your privacy. You are independent and self motivated. You are secretive and isolated.

Time to get into details

The romantic type? I think so. But I guess, I’ll never have the chance again to “exercise” that side of me. May be not now, not ever. Too bad it has to stay that way. But I’m not closing my doors. I’ll just have to make sure that I have a back door just in case it’s getting out of hand.

Sensitive withdrawn kind? Yup yup I am. There are a lot of things about me that I hesitantly share to my closest best friends. I believe there are things that have to be reserved for me alone.

I think of myself to be special? Yes, but not in the sense that I think that I am special for others. I am special for myself. Kinda selfish isn’t it? And I think it’s the main reason why I am withdrawn. But then if others think that I am special for them, then it would be my pleasure. It’s hard to explain but I don’t say outright what I want, I want others to feel what I want and be sensitive to what I want them to do or say. Get it? I know it’s kind of impossible, that’s how special i value sensitivity.

I am to achieve a sense of emotional equilibrium to reconnect with the original source? So so true! I am the kind of person who makes it a point to put everything on the table first before having unnecessary decisions. I had this kind of attitude now because of my past experiences which however made me stronger.

You value individuality, creativity and beauty as well. You are highly interested in arts.

I like arts, got no problem with it. But then there are only few areas that I know I am capable of doing. I like to try out new things that I haven’t experience before, decorate, find something new from an old prospect, or make something beautiful out of something unpleasant. I appreciate things up to the most minute details, no matter how others make it look useless and unimportant.

The negative side is that you maybe envious, jealous and prone towards melancholy and a feeling of abandonment.

Unconsciously, sometimes I am envious or jealous of things or people that I don’t have. Although it’s unconscious, in the end in turns out that I am beginning to realize it consciously that I am jealous or envious already. Just like now, I wouldn’t be able to say or admit that I am envious or jealous about something if this isn’t my conscious mind talking. Melancholy? Hmmm yep, I think I make myself sad because of what I am always thinking about or what I am perceiving to happen. Sometimes I forget about the now and focus too much about tomorrow. Sometimes I make hopes and wishes in order to make myself feel good but it turns out the other way around… the false hopes and wishes becomes my waterloo and eventually makes me feel sad and alone.

You are temperamental and dramatic by nature. Funny! Yes indeed I am very dramatic to the people I know. =D Temperamental? I think so. Maybe in the sense that I can be secretive at times then my mood turns out to be weird in the end. Hey, I’m not crazy or anything, I’m just enjoying in criticizing my self and you’re welcome to do your part in criticizing me too.

I am sensitive to what others are feeling, i know i can’t expect others to be sensitive as well. But can you at least co-exist with me so that I won’t feel as if I’m alone and left behind the real race of life.

Recently, I had my realization. I am to be cautious about everything. “People do not stay the same” I’m not being skeptic or anything, it’s a given fact and reality, People DO CHANGE. That’s why I had to do some changes and overhauling in me because I don’t want to get left behind.

CHANGE IS GOOD, IF U KNOW HOW TO HANDLE WHAT IT DOES TO YOU AND TO OTHERS.

and

CHANGE IS GOOD, IF U KNOW HOW TO HANDLE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE CRITICISMS.

“Change or not, we are still the MASTER and SLAVE of our own TRIUMPHS and IMPERFECTIONS”

[28 May 2008]

Acceptance

The sad fact about these two red peppers is that, both of them will never be together.

For a while they grew out from one root and one stalk and

they bloomed from flowers then became peppers from green to red.

It’s sad when people need to be apart from each other despite their closeness and similarities.

Acceptance is the only cure for this sad reality.

[07 April 2008]

Letting Go

Balloons pop when they reach the top.

It’s time to let go and be free.

I came from one spot and I was with you

The next thing I knew I was with the wind.

Did you let go of me? Or did I let go of you?

Then at the top of the sky, I’ll be gone..

Pieces of memory will be left to fall,

but now in a different place, somewhere I don’t know,

shattered and cannot be put back together again.

Letting go will always be either,

the person has let go of you

or you allowed yourself to let go of that person.

Either way, pain will always be around for the sky to see.

[07 April 2008]

My Life was Built Without You

I prefer to be quiet and keep things to myself.

I keep track of time to see how I spend my day with you.

I appreciate every second with you, even though it doesn’t show in my watch.

Because my watch was built with no second hand in it.

My life was built without you in it.

[07 April 2008]

Connecting the Dots

Connecting…the…dots…

28 March 2008 10:09

Signs are for those people who are in need of answers. I, for once in my life asked God for a sign, before I was always asking God for signs but then due to lack of faith I wasn’t able to look for the signs as well as the answers. Late last year and early this year 2008, I again asked God for a sign and this time I had to make sure in myself what was it that I wanted that God has set upon to give me.

There are a lot of things what we want to happen, in one corner of that so called life there are things that we want to keep as well as to keep away. He gives us instruments for us to realize what we need to do in our present lives. It can take about weeks, months, or even a year for us to know what we really need to do. It’s this time that I knew how to treasure what I have and what I am having, but I also learned what to keep away within me for the better good.

So here I was, asking God for a sign. It’s true that there’s only one Ultimate person that we can entrust our life with and He is no one else but HIM. I wanted something that I know God wants me to do and for that, I asked Him, “give me signs for me to push through Your plans”. I wasn’t clearly asking for a specific sign just like what others are asking like butterflies or events and the like. I told Him “just tell me what I should do”.

Months had passed and it’s just today that I was able to connect the dots. Just like what I have said before, “happiness is concomitant so sorrow”. You have to make sacrifices and let others be happy. In the end it’s true happiness that you’ll get. It’s indeed true that you don’t have to let others know what sacrifices you are making because the more that it would be more meaningful and fruitful. Very true! Because I did sacrifice my own happiness and it made something even more meaningful for others. I don’t like to spoil everything God has given me and I can keep it that way just for others to be happy. I thank God for making that sacrifice flow so smooth without ruining anything. This is not martyrdom; this is what we call altruism, helping without asking for anything in return. And enough of Psychological terms, this is not just altruism, this is who I am.

This is me I love to help others to the extent that I don’t know what’s left with me. But this time, I know that I have my family forever with me. And “I know God has something good, better and best kept for me”.

There are times when we need not be honest (Sorry for that dear God). I know You know why I had to do that. There are still questions that I know you can answer. Do I need to keep away from what I am afraid to do or from what its hurting to do, if that would be the case….I pray dear God, please give me strength. In every happiness that I create, are tons of sadness that I have to endure, I know this is what you want, I have made a lot of mistakes in the past and I know this is your way of helping me and moving me towards greater happiness.

Please make my heavy heart and mind light as my soul. As I am praying right now, I know you are giving me the strength that I need. Thank you so much dear God for not leaving me.

Something to Say about JUNO (Movie)

The story is about 16 year old girl named Juno McGuff (Ellen Page) who ended up pregnant after having sex with her friend Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera). Juno’s first thought was abortion but then she decides on giving up her baby for adoption. Juno found the supposedly perfect couple Vanessa and Mark (Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman) to be the parents of her child also ended up the not so perfect couple after all.

The first thing that caught my attention to watch this movie was its soundtrack. Cool songs by the way until the end of the movie. I am a viewer who listens intently and enthusiastically to soundtracks because they make me even appreciate the movie itself. The archetypal tunes and the strings of the guitar told me: hey watch me! The intro of the movie sort of struck me already, my first impression was.. because of the very “cartoonic” or comic icons I said that this would be something to make me laugh but then Juno didn’t only make me laugh, it made me become more open minded.

Juno McGuff played by Ellen Page is an extremely awesome actress at her age of 20. She did her role so well that her facial expressions and gestures will tell you that she’s really into her profession. Bleeker, played by Michael Cera was also so good that his expressions would fit his face. The not-so-innocent look but the look of admitting that he got Juno pregnant made him a good actor as well. As for Vanessa played by Jennifer Garner, it’s a head turner to see her act in a dramatic role. I was used to watching her kicking butts like in Alias and Elektra, and the euphoric and bubbly Jennifer in 13 going on 30.

It’s seldom to see teen movies with a different twist. The usual teen movies would only do so much about having fun, kids being bullied and the bullies, a new girl or boy in school who would turn out to be someone famous in the end and all the other usual teenage stuff. Juno is not that kind of teen movie. Although Juno is also the usual teenager, but then her situation is somewhat still sensitive to a lot of people. Juno is more than reality itself but the truth that teenagers face these days.

The writer (Cody) together with the director (Reitman) surely knows how to make the audience appreciate all the facets of life. All the possibilities and all the imperfections of human relationships can be seen in this movie. Clearly, decision making and the will the stand for what a person believes in is very evident in this movie.

Teenagers would either risk themselves for abortion or live up with what they got into. It’s a different issue if you’re a closed door catholic. I’d like to quote what A.O. Scott of the New York Times said:

{{“Juno” also shares with “Knocked Up” an underlying theme, a message that is not anti-abortion but rather pro-adulthood. It follows its heroine — and by the end she has earned that title — on a twisty path toward responsibility and greater self-understanding.}}

(check out his review on Juno at http://movies.nytimes.com/2007/12/05/movies/05juno.html)

All of us if not everyone have our own movies to play to, we have a twisty and winding road ahead of us which eventually will lead us to a greater self-understanding just like what Scott said. Abortion has long been an issue in our society. For sure there will be reviews that will say that abortion is not a choice but a sin. This movie will not force you or opt you to be pro or anti abortion but rather Juno is something or someone that makes one realize of all the possibilities in life that there are a lot of imperfections in relationships that we ourselves can make it perfect if we have the good disposition and courage to stand for what we do. In this way we are on the process of not only understanding ourselves but a BEING and DOING in the making.

Generally speaking, the actors and actresses were great and this movie can be given high recognitions for its quality sense.

After all, we viewers are just watchers of the creative minds of these movie makers whom they also based them on the realities in life. We all do get entertained the good way or the worst way.

Happy watching!

~ by babytanya16 on January 21, 2008.

One Response to “Something to say about JUNO (movie)”

1. i assumed Juno was directed by the same guy that directed Knocked Up because it’s about an unexpected pregnancy, and Michael Cera stars as Juno’s boyfriend (he was one of the goofy kids from Superbad, a close relative of Knocked Up), but it turns out this is not the case

   patrick said this on April 30, 2008 at 9:29 am

Tata Nano: A Stylish Way to Say I'm Pocket Wise

It starts with $2500.. damn it’s a cheap car. Roughly about a hundred thousand pesos here in the Philippines..cheap right??? It comes in two kinds, the standard and deluxe edition. Hey look at it ( http://www.tata.com/ ), with its design surely a lot might say it’s so tiny or so cute, I’ve read some reviews and the outer design looks so compact but the inner design is so spacious. It’s a 5 passenger ride with spacious room for your luggage and for a relaxed feet.

Nowadays, averaged income individuals can be practical about life, then Tata Nano is the car for you, for some short trips around the city and nearby towns? Nano is a practical car.

Plus, here in the Philippines, this car is good option rather than purchasing a 2-wheel transportation (motorcycles). With the fact that most vehicular accidents are with the motorcycles, indeed Tato Nano is a better choice. Would you rather get a ‘multicab’ or this Nano instead? As for me I would purchase this one. I wonder when would it be available here in the Philippines. Is it coming here? I’m sure there will be a lengthy list of reservations if it would be available.

This car is also environment friendly. I think we are aware of global warming, right? So this is also one great step in order to help save our only home. It’s also fuel efficient, it runs about 22km/liter, yes a super saver!

10 thumbs up for India and a big clap for you!

Not only that its’ called the People’s Car, “It’s a stylish way of saying, Tata Nano is pocket wise”

~ by babytanya16 on January 11, 2008.

6 Responses to “Tata Nano: A stylish way to say I’m pocket wise.”

1. The “people’s car” is a wonderful example of India’s mid-20st Century mindset and its squandered chance at 21st Century development. My short essay on this can be read at http://memestreamblog.wordpress.com/2007/10/12/india-going-nowhere-fast/.

   MBJ

   mbjesq said this on January 11, 2008 at 11:05 pm

2. Good job. Do you know if they will launch it in the Philippines? That could help a lot of people there. Shoot..I would even by one just for a vacation car every time we come by and visit the Philippines.

   Argie said this on February 12, 2008 at 11:30 am

3. hmmmm i don’t know yet.. i just hope so it would be launched here in the Philippines… it would really help a lot and i mean really A LOT..
   thanks for the comment =)

   babytanya16 said this on February 12, 2008 at 12:46 pm

4. love this car, i sure would love to own one!!!!! i cant wait for it to be launched here in the Philippines.

   Chris Jay said this on April 10, 2008 at 3:30 pm

5. i have no news yet about Tata Nano if its already here in the PHilippines? Does anyone have?

   babytanya16 said this on May 1, 2008 at 4:23 am

6. I hoping that some businessman will do something to make TATA available on the market.. actually they will make a lot of a lot of money when they sell this one on Ph. maybe 7 out of 10 pinoys will buy this instead of an underbone motorcycles, right?

   sammy said this on June 3, 2008 at 2:31 am

Weakness

Being vulnerable to pain will always be a sign of weakness.
Weakness is swallowing other people’s misery and eating your own bitterness.If you keep on helping other people just for the sake of being “helpful”

then it’s not an altruistic kind of behavior.
Sometimes we should learn how to say no even how difficult it is.

It is then that we are weak that we become
a slave of the people around us.

Unknowingly, we become a tagger of other people’s tail,

we tag-along unconsciously just for you to get noticed.

We don’t need to be weak just to be noticed,

we don’t need to be pitied just to gain sympathy.

If the people understand you with all your flaws and strengths,

then that person is a real friend, a real companion.
Do not swallow other people’s misery

because you should be sensitive of your own miseries.
Do not eat your own bitterness,

be cause you can still taste the sweetness of life.

[13 November 2007]

I Made My Stand

Lately, I found myself in the middle of a feud. A feud between my ego and my self-belief, for me, these are two different things. What a start of the year this is for me!! I wrote last year in my blog that I was about to start working this January, but guess what? I dropped the offer like a hot potato. Just last Monday, January 8, I talked to the boss over the phone who was in Makati, that I’m not going to pursue the job, I can just imagine her face full of madness and disappointment hehe.

Well, I had to take her feedback positively and I accepted them with all ears for I know what she said was half the truth. Why half the truth? Because my decision to refuse the job was so abrupt that it came to the point that I was about to tell them on the first day of work.. bad noh? Eh I said yes to her offer last year of December 20 pa. imagine, ang tagal bago ko pa snabi na NO.. bad tlga.. I know and I’m sorry hehe.. I wasn’t able to anticipate the requirements of the 7 subjects in sped that I’m enrolled in.

The other half of the truth was within me, I chose sped over work, why? I do not want to do two things at the same time, two things that I can’t decipher which of them is more important at the moment. When I choose something, I want myself to be sure, so that there would be no pointing of one’s finger at anyone else. When I laid down everything on the table of the pros and cons of taking the job and or focusing on sped, I was able to make that tough decision even though I became bewildered and even made me sleep late in the morning, causing me just 3 or 4 hours of sleep in a day.

What I’m into right now made me even stronger and people oriented. It was one of the toughest decisions that I made in my 21 years of existence, because I even disregarded what my parents told me, especially my father, as of now ok na kami, no more tensions, no more crying.. hehe nways i made my stand and maybe you can notice in my other blog entitled FOR NOW.. that i had so many second thoughts during that time, can you see the difference in my blog now that i’m more confident and persitent? bsta i feel bettter now if not the best.

My ego told me that opportunities really comes once in a while that’s why I have to grab that job, but my self-belief didn’t tell me that, but instead I don’t have to grab them every time it crosses my path. Why? Because these opportunities will either be something that you have to take just for the sake of having it or something that you love and you know that it will love you back in return. Opportunities either makes or breaks you, am I not right? You just have to learn how to handle them and keep them within your reach or even try to make your own opportunities; after all, we take part in making our own destiny.

[12 January 2007]

Silence and Solitude (My Dear Best Friends)

Life has many things to offer for us to be happy but at the same time life has many things to offer for us to be sad.

The past can affect the way people treat u now. As for me, I am sick and tired of being judged but it just keeps on coming and even catching me unaware and unprepared. But I can accept that wholeheartedly. Sometimes we cannot trust “others” and even worse we cannot trust ourselves. That would be the exact moment when there’s only one person whom you can trust….. HIM…

That’s why as of now my best friends are silence and solitude. With them I can shout at whatever I want, scream at whoever I want.

Screaming and shouting in silence which keeps me strong as I endure all the pain of my existence is what I can tolerate at the moment.

Nways, thanks to those who showed their concerns.. u know who you are.. but I’m fine thank you. I mean it.

[17 February 2007]

Our Deepest Fear

An excerpt from A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

(((The first time i heard these lines from the movie Coach Carter, it really strucked my heart, mind, and soul. Although there were lines that were removed, still the essence was very deep. Read it slowly and carefully and you’ll decipher what i mean and be able to know why))))

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure about you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Happiness & Sorrow

Something to think about…

Happiness is concomitant to sorrow The source of happiness of others is the sorrow of one or two. Your own source of happiness can also be the source of your own sorrow.

Facing the fear of ones heart is like holding firm an ice on ones palm. Initially it’s refreshingly cold but, it hurts as the pain digs into your skin like fire burning thourgh your palm.

Big but… it’s always relative and dynamic. It depends upon the situation, the person himself, and the people involved.

[13 June 2007]

Somebody Wants You, But Still a Nobody

i want, i like, i wish,
to be a robot..IF I’M A ROBOT
ill do everything you want me to do
ill follow everything you want me to do
id love to hear everything you want to say to me
i can be your servant..with no complaints and no errors..
close to perfection..

if i am a robot,
i won’t feel any hunger
i won’t feel any thirst
i won’t feel any feeling
i won’t feel any emotion
i don’t know any reaction
i don’t know what i should feel
i don’t know who i am
i don’t know what i am
it will be okay to be sad because i wil not know what is the meaning of happiness
and the most important simple best thing of being a robot
i won’t feel any tiredness
i won’t feel any pain

everything will be left unsaid in my system..
everything will just be words of orders
and everything will be left as is.. A NON-LIVING THING
i want to be feelingLESS
i want to be NOBODY in this world

a robot becomes someone always liked and wanted..but still a NOBODY..
no huge demands, no emotions, no feelings.
just “JUST”

[21 November 2007]

I.C.U. of the Heart

Sometimes it’s better to play safe and do not have a stand. Yes or No? or Maybe? It’s just like questioning yourself whether you have been adequate or not, whether you have been true to yourself or not. If you see others as insensitive, did you ever ask yourself, where you insensitive too at some point in time? Sometimes in getting along with your friends you see some of the qualities that you like and do not like and worse… hate. Now, believe it or not insecurities can come into the picture. It can destroy whatever you have with you. It can make you think and feel others as insensitive of what you are feeling. Kinda selfish?I.C.U. Insensitive Care Unit. Insensitive with care that is one hell of a fight and irony. INsensitive meaning there was sensitivity “before”… that’s why with the prefix IN-, sensitivity became less or became zero down under. People can become caring but they can become insensitive unconsciously. Why unconsciously? Because other’s may feel that “”It’s not what they have been expecting, or better yet it’s what they should not ever ever expect.” Sometimes it’s better to play safe and do not have a stand. “just let things be on their own, just let things happen as they should occur” Never manipulate them if you can’t handle them. Never turn the steering wheel without knowing where to go if you don’t want your heart and soul to be confined in the ICU.

[24 March 2007]

Flat Line

i’m feeling too much hatred

hatred to myself

there’s an entity of anger

that runs through my veins..

as it reaches my heart

there’s a clot into the chambers

as the chambers lodges my emotions

it makes my happy memories stifle

how can I ever say stop

when I cannot respire any longer

how can I ever feel good

when I’m reaching my flat line

[27 February 2008]