My ABC of Gratitude for Year 2010

Happy New Year Everyone!

Image by Ralph Balanta

I have lots of things to say for my year end post but in order to keep it short and easy to read (Plus I'm kind of lazy) I'll just post my A to Z of feelings of gratitude for year 2010.

A - for the ANGER that taught me how to be kind to others and to my self.
B - BAMBI our Mini Pin, a protector in our home. her sweetness is a stress reliever
C - my COLLEGE friends who are far yet near.
D - for letting me DRIVE safe all year round, everyday and everywhere.
E - for the ENERGY that I have especially whenever I need to be strong
F - my FAMILY who has been always there for me every second of my life
G - my GUIDANCE Center family for being my second family at work
H - my High School friends who never fail to remind me that I'm so lucky to have them
I -  my other "I" as my alter ego
J -  for the JOY in every simple thing that I'm seeing
K - KATHY for being home this December after four years.
L - LITZ friends for being my best guy buds
M - for the MANGO TANGO cake which was close to the Mango Bravo cake of Conti's
N - NCD supporters, I Love Naga!
O - the 'OTHERS' who I might have misunderstandings with, my apologies
P - PSYCHOMETRICIAN, my work now. I'm trying to live up to it.
Q - to the QUESTIONS that made me turn to God and be more close to Him
R - the first full RAINBOW that I saw last Dec. 23, 2010
S - SKYSCRAPER friends for the friendship and the effort in promoting our city and province
T - for all the TRAVELS that I had this year, both for business and pleasure.
U - for the UNDERSTANDING that I got from all the people around me
V - for the VICTORY of my endeavors during year 2010
W - my WONDERFUL students esp the Psychology students
X - the X Factor God given blessing that helped me in a lot of ways
Y - YOU who is reading this for being my friend
Z - the ZEAL of life GOD has given me

I treasure every thing that comes across my way. Some of them might be insignificant to others, like a small piece of paper might be a trash but very important to me. Spare my shallowness, for I find strength in those simple things around me. I do not have a resolution or a promise for year 2011. I only have an ABC for year 2011.

A - ACHIEVE God's plan for year 2011. With His light and stronger faith to Him, I'll find my way right.
B - the BEAUTY of life that God has offered me for the past 25 years, may it continue to flow together with humility
C - the CHANCE to wake up each day and continue to discover people's goodness no matter how different we are.

Let's once again journey 2011! Cheers and God bless!

I LOVE YOU ALL!

Everything is Alright

Yes it's the Christmas Season, but there's one thing that I can keep myself from wondering what is the answer behind the Why question intended for a person. The change is so obvious that it gets better for the person not to say anything and rather be quiet and not talk to others. I just don't know if I'm just imagining that there's a change or there isn't. I cannot gauge what  is happening and I don't like the ask any further.Can indefiniteness be measured? It's quite difficult or it might lead to being impossible. Haayy I don't like to imagine anymore.. the rainbow just made my day yesterday and it's a sign that I have to make the succeeding days colorful. I'll give myself the benefit of the doubt. Everything is alright.

Walk on Water

Just out of nowhere, after seeing my previous post of Walk the Talk, I now find myself with this song Walk on Water. Googled it to look for a song and I found one by Britt Nicole, only to find out that this song was also played in one of the episodes of The Biggest Loser. Very timely again, I had so many bad dreams last night, it was a series I believe and I was shouting but there was no voice coming out of my mouth. Feels like a nightmare alright. When I was shouting in the dream, I knew that I was dreaming and it led me to be awakened. Thank God for waking me up. It was really scary. :(

Great song, great lyrics, with a bonus piano in it.

wth

wth is your problem?! nakaka urag na! well, probably mayo man. haha ribong lang kami saimo. if you have any probs we're always here.

None

pure laughter.. annoyed.. tired.. but fun filled days

weird, unusual and questionable thought

will try something new this coming days

:D :D

Give me a question without an answer.

Walk the Talk

Just had a client today, he just left about 5 minutes ago. Everything was turning out fine. All I was saying was on the right track. Somehow, something hit me, I might be an effective counselor to others, but I'm not an effective counselor to myself. I'm not walking what I'm talking. :( This only proves that we, Psychology Grads or Guidance Counselors also need ears to listen to us. :(

Pacquiao vs Margarito Live Stream

PACQUIAO VS. MARGARITO Live Streaming Links

http://www.coolbuster.net/2010/07/pacquiao-vs-margarito-live-stream.html


http://fighthits.blogspot.com/2010/1...-stream-3.html

http://sagitnangbagyo.blogspot.com/

http://cirronetwork.com/stream1.html

http://www.hayag.com/w/gitnangsilangan

http://sportzonepr.net/ch2.html


http://www.yeheytv.com/video/12578/Pacquiao-vs-Margarito-Live-Stream

Red and Bangs

Just a quick one! :)

Red

and

bangs.

Little by little.
Step by step.
The clues are showing
Some time for believing

All I need is a few more
To bring forth the new door
Every sadness brings light
To anything that's bright

Smile I can see you
Laughter I envy you
Tears I despise you
Tight hug I adore you

hayy ang pula at ang bangs!! hahaha
ang pagkakataon nga naman. hihi

eto example haha

kala ko tapos na yung kwento na yun di pa pala. ma'am angz i like it! haha tagalang angel ka po sa office. wehehehe It was the month of May when ma'am angz shared it, kala ko tapos na  pero may added details pa pala. hahahaha almost after 6 months?? :D

fanget! me need to call you, di ko pa ngagamit yung free card ko. sayang din nun.
bear hugs for you!!!! >:D<

Anniversary

Today is the 1st death anniversary of Ma'am Gaile. The day she left us full of hopes and memories.

Ma'am Gaile, I know you've seen our testing room. I know it's not your dream testing room for the school, you and Ma'am Shie had planned for it for so many years. But at least we have it now beside the office and not anymore on the third floor right? That's still an improvement. My work and designation today was all because of you planned or not. Until now I could not help but think if is it really for me or was it because you left us. Please tell God I'm quite out of  focus this past few months. =(

We miss you Ma'am Gaile. Will visit you later with your family in Pili.

In Between

Welfare of the students or give in to the request? That is the question this afternoon.
If only I was not chosen by the students who requested the subject to be opened, at all cost, the load is his as he wish. I wouldn't mind giving it away after all it will be my pleasure to have no class during TTHS.

Another One

I get it Lolo Freud, you're so good in timing. I'm making my Final Requirements in one of my subjects in my masters. Yep, it's late, due to unacceptable reasons that I have with me, it's long overdue. As my tukayo said before "If deadlines can kill, I should be dead by now". I got caught up while writing my final exam, Freud's dream interpretation once again called my attention.

Last night, I barely slept for 3 hours and in that three hours I woke up for around 5 times! Too much I can say. No wonder Kuya Pao noticed that I have baggages under my eyes today. My unconscious is screaming, but of course I don't know what makes it scream. This morning, just like any ordinary day, I went to work with some confusions in me. I was driving when I recalled that I had a dream when I was asleep. In the dream, the brake of the car wasn't working no matter how hard I step on it. Thank God it didn't happen today or I'm praying that it won't happen in the future.

I believe this is still part of my recurring dreams but in a different perspective because I still felt the same fear like the ones that I had before. =(

WWW

What?
I've been warding off people away. But in two ways: Intentional and Unexpected

Why?
Intentional: Due to some reasons that might be too shallow for others but too deep for me.
Unexpected: It's a total surprise. It was crystal clear.

When?
This day was loud. Both here at home and away.

Who?
Friends intentionally warded off.
Family matters trying to hold me/us in my neck.

a heavy day indeed
can't sleep, my mind bleeds
time needs time
to let things be fine

Relapse

Thanks to my five years ago.. I learned how to be strong. But I guess when you learn a few things about life there are things that will go beyond your way. Something that you thought was over but still it's there. Yes, I'm having my relapses back. Reminding me how stupid I am and what it brought me up today. Yes I'm strong and yes I'm selfish. Selfishly protecting myself that even new friends I create brings me to no good.

I thought it was fun, everybody was enjoying every bit of the story they were creating. It brought them happiness but it brought me relapse. It's not every time when I'm laughing with you guys everything is always fine. I let it pass for months but still the same agony. I can laugh with them alright but this time it's bringing me not to my wit's end but thank you for reminding me for who I am.  I looked for means to compensate the laughter they were creating and sadness to myself but it was just not good enough. 5 years ago I swore to myself. Something I have with me now. It's full of hatred for others and protection for myself in any kinds of relationship. If it will bring me to another 5 years, hopefully it will be much clearer. What has been happening lately are my defense mechanisms in different kinds of ways. Being unpredictable to what is currently happening and being unmindful of what others are saying.

still have lots of things running through my mind!!

Goodbye and Hi

I traveled time with this watch for 8 long years.

7 years working as a wrist watch and 1 year as a bangle/bracelet.

I never used any other watches even though I can borrow from my sister.

This watch broke down on me twice costing me too much like I already bought a new one.

The third time it stopped ticking I decided not to have it repaired 

but instead I decided to hold on to it...for another year.

I just can't go outside the house without it on my wrist. 

It feels like there's something lacking if I don't have it with me.

It was a gift given by my father when I learned how to use and 

appreciate of having a watch with me.

I'm not a time conscious person who keeps track of time every minute 

but I know that time is significant.

After a year of serving it's purpose of being a bracelet, something horrible happened to it.

I lost the back plate of the watch during my trip in Tagaytay-Manila. I didn't really notice if it fell out in Tagaytay or in Manila. It's sad that I had to wait for it to happen

 instead of keeping it safe and sound.

The incident made me decided to totally let go of it. 

It's now or never, I gave the Gucci watch a rest for it served me well for a long time. 

Goodbye to by old watch and Hi to my new one.

I bought a new one from Lulu C. It looks girly than the G though. =D

Looking forward to a number of years with my new watch like my old one or may be more.

I cherish what I have, I keep them safe and value them with life so that they would last long.

If we know how to value things then we will know how to value people, relationships and life in general.

Friday FREEday

It's Friday and I'm In Love!

Oops! Na-ah

It's Friday and It's FREEday.

It's not that it's payday, it's more than that! :)

Bought some foods from Egg Mess (bulastog and fried siomai) this morning and shared it to my boss and two of our student assistants.

Lunch, I ate shawarma rice and decided to eat at Litz. 

I got my FREE softdrinks (FREEBIE 1) from boss D. Thanks!! :)

 A kind and usual gesture from an old friend.

When I went back to the office, the electricity just went off and the generator was not up yet. We were joking around the new Selecta Ice Cream being sold at the canteen beside our office if when are we going to buy one (bago eh! haha). I was with Brian and guess what..

FREEBIE No. 2 was a Cornetto! Yumyum 

After a few minutes, Ma'am Regie our GD came and asked if we already tried buying ice cream. Since I was the only one who tried first, our student assistants said "not yet". 

Then here goes FREEBIE No. 3! Another Cornetto! waaaaa sugarness na eto! 

I wasn't expecting that I will still be given with the fact that I just ate one a few minutes ago.

Suddenly, after a few minutes again, one of our peer counselor passed by our office who happens to be celebrating his birthday today. Unexpectedly, three of us from the office were given another treat! Yes you read it right.. another treat! FREEBIE No. 4 was another ice cream but on a stick.

I only shared once and unexpectedly got  four in return. No matter how simple they were, our bonding today in our office was something unforgettable. Thank you Lord. Three ice creams in one day is a rare one! :D

Everything was a blessing, but everything was sugar! 0-0

It's FRIDAY and it's really a FREEday! 

Randomness

Random happenings today

1.  Funny conversation today: Pare mag intersection tayo!What?! Intersection?! :rofl:

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2.   One of our dogs is in bad shape.Our family believes when a dog gets sick, he is saving a life of a family member.

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3.   Please don't waste your time leaving your numbers. I'm not interested and i'm not looking for textmates. AT ALL. 

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4.   Enjoying the moment or am I just hurting myself??? :(

I Can't Hold On

Last night, the rain poured and I can't stop it. It felt like I lost something or rather it felt like I lost something that I thought I was holding on. When the rain drops, you can touch it, you can feel it, it's there and you saw it dropped. After a moment, all you knew was how the rain touched you and how it made you feel fresh.
All there was "is the now" and all there are for tomorrow will be "nothing".
But all these are just thoughts in my mind. They are just thoughts, so why can't I hold on to it?
These thoughts will just pass me by. I just can't hold on to them and I shouldn't. :(

Thinking

I don't know what to say.

Letters to Juliet

"'What' and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?'..."

"I don't know how your story ended. But I know that if what you felt then was love - true love - then it's never too late. If it was true then it why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart..."

"I don't know what a love like that feels like... a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for... but I'd like to believe if I ever felt it. I'd have the courage to seize it. I hope you had the courage to seize it, Claire. And if you didn't, I hope one day that you will." - Juliet

i so heart it! :)

i also love the line..

Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt thou the sun doth move /Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love,"

ABS-CBN Coverage of Ms. Universe 2010

ABS-CBN Coverage of Ms. Universe 2010 via www.yeheytv.com

Upset

My patience was again tested during my last class tonight. Whoever said that it's always nice to look young is lame.  As for my present situation, I need to look mature because of my work but my genes and bone structure does not agree with that. In the field of Psychology particular Guidance and Counseling, we were taught on how to be patient, mild, empathic and kind that I even forgot how to look furious (if the situation calls for it) especially in face to face interactions. Let's face it, we need to let rage conquer us when we need to be one. Acknowledge the rage to seek peace of mind. It's cathartic in a sense that it's a sort of a reminder of who you are and how others see you. It's not easy to be nice in front of everyone or inconsistencies will be labeled on you, right? It's quite unfair if others would link your life to your profession, we are just but humans to commit mistakes but again more is expected from us :(. This is a difficult task and more so of a difficult destiny. Sometimes I like to learn how it is to be mad..the facial expression, tone of voice, and the look of a fierce-full eye. Time will come for all these. The right person to show it too, the right place to take part in and the right time for it to occur. Worse comes to worse, I still pray that I do not reach this point for the time being.

I don't have the face to be mad, I don't have the loud voice to sound mad but i have silence to keep me calm.

On the Other Hand

July 24th was verging it's way towards my existence..on the other side of the life space, others were also revolving around the same minute and second where we are also living in. I will not pre-empt, I just interpreted it to something unexpected and unusual. I even said that I don't believe it. Well true enough, I just can't believe what I knew this afternoon. Feeling ko hindi yun totoo hehe which makes it soooo funny lng tlga. :))

One July 24th

Another Saturday of administering an IQ test and personality test to our freshmen and transferees.

I was up around 6am, hoping that I would still be early for our (SSC CamSur) medical mission along with Diabetes Philippines Cam Sur Chapter as the primary sponsor. I managed to arrive at the Naga City Youth Center at around quarter to 7 in the morning. To my surprise, the hall was half full with people, mostly Diabetes-at-risk just like me or diagnosed with Diabetes already. I had to go to work around 7:15 for the scheduled test administration, so it means I didn’t have my FBS measured. I said that I’ll be coming back around 9 am for that… and so I did. The venue was almost empty and I was thinking that it’s now my chance to have my blood sugar checked. After a few minutes, sad to say there were no more strips for me. So there goes judgment day and come back another day. At around 10am, together with Kuya Pao, we went back to UNC and bought myself a tall hot White Mocha from Beanbag because I didn’t have my breakfast clearly because I was aiming for my fasting blood sugar to be checked. Went back to work and the test administration continued for the whole day.

morning coffee

I wasn’t able to eat lunch on time. Test administration still continued. At around  4:30 pm, as I transferred to and from another building, bringing all the test materials using Citie, I accidentally left the car keys on the driver seat. Yes you read it right, the car keys inside the car! I only noticed it after trying to check the key if it was on my belt about 25 steps away from the car.. then poof, the car locked up on its own. That my dear friends  is a disadvantage of having an automated car alarm & lock system installed in your car. After closing the doors, count 15 minutes and it will lock on its own. This is somehow good for those who forget to lock the car anyway.

What were my options of getting the key?

1.       Go home and get the duplicate key and remote OR have someone bring the duplicate key here at work. BUT, bad luck was here, Bem (kiakapatid ko) was charging her phone turned off, so she was clearly out of reach.

2.       Sungkitin ang susi sa loob with a steel wire.

To my surprise, a sudden flashback came to me.

1.       When I was at Beanbag, while waiting for the coffee I took pictures of the place and guess what, with no purpose at all that very second.. I also took a picture of the car key using my phone.

2.       Before going down the car, I didn't close the driver side window all the way up, I left an open space for about 3 inches. What was on my mind then? So that the air would circulate inside the car para hindi mainit. This is routinary for me whenever I park inside the campus, but the difference was, I had it 3 inches open wide when compared to my ordinary open space of 1 inch.

Everything has a purpose!! Indeed everything! Again law of attraction is very strong.

Why did I take a picture of my car keys?? Why did I leave the window open for about 3 inches wide and not 1 inch wide.?

So what was the solution to my urgent problem? If option number two will not work by 5pm, I will go home to get the duplicate. When I was trying to contact my kinakapatid, mas lalong sumakit ulo ko due to my hunger. Tired, hungry, stressed and haggard looking moment. Naghanap ako ng steel wire sa office, as I was looking for the pair of scissors, again, walang gunting!! Nawawala! Hay this isn’t really my day. I asked help from our SA to help me look for a scissor, buti nlng may nakuha.

Sino pnasungkit ko? Si Jake at Mark (two of our peer counselors). Ang galing! Thank you talaga.

After getting the car keys, I sat down inside the car for a moment and rested for a while. Then I drove off once again to Beanbag to get another cup of coffee and something to eat. As time was running, I was also in a hurry to finish what I was eating and drinking. It was my breakfast, lunch and early dinner btw all coiled in one. What’s worse, I got a surprising headache because of hunger. First time ever!

Afternoon coffee

After having my snack, I prepared myself for my 6:30 to 8:30 class. Buti nlng di nagpasaway mga students ko. I even had a good laugh while discussing our topic. To my surprise, everytime I laugh, the forebrain will cut the crap and feel the pain. After dismissing my 2^nd class, I still had to drive off to Pili and fetch mom. It was a loooonnngggg day. A July 24 that I’ll never forget.

Got home at around 9:30 pm. As I was about to plug my notebook. Poof, I left my charger inside the bag of the multimedia projector at the office!!! May pahabol pa sa bad day ko. haha

To sum it up, I wasn't able to check my FBS, had a late breakfast, lunch and early dinner, left the car keys inside the car, left the charger for my notebook after work. 

P.S.

Nag internet pa ako pagka uwi sa bahay then slept at around 11? Haha pasaway talaga. Tired but not sleepy yet. tsk tsk

Light and Blank

Like blank pages in a book
No one ever thought that time was a crook
It hastily chased what was here
And made known to earth what was clear


Counted presence was light and few
But time said it was due
A little more hi's and hello's are bound to distance
Just like the last heard goodbye for an instance


The Light and Blank Yellow Book is gone

Just like any song when it's fading and done.
New era is upon the earth
Will give birth to what is worth


L.I.G.H.T and B.L.A.N.K

See you when I see you

Lightning and Thunder

Lightning and thunder

hearts fill with danger

In darkness of the night

turn the peace into fright

Lightning and thunder

please go elsewhere

Don't make the night bright

Let me rest without you in sight.

Lightning and thunder

your show is over

Everything is alright

there is not a need of your might.

-
By: ATN
Noted

Faithfully

Highway run into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind
Restless hearts sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love along the wire
They say that the road
ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And loving a music man
ain't always what it's supposed to be

Girl
you stand by me
I'm forever yours
faithfully
Circus life under the big top world
We all need the clowns to make us laugh
Through space and time
Always another show
Wodering where I am lost without you
And being a part ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you

Oh girl
you stand by me
I'm forever yours
faithfully
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh
faithfully
I'm still yours
I'm forever yours
Ever yours
faithfully

Why I hate People Who Leave

My closest friends are away from me. Here's the trend when it comes to my friends... when i was in Baguio, mostly of my HS closest friends were here in Naga and a few in Manila. When i came back here in Naga after college, we had different professions to keep in different places. I have one in Albay, one in US, one in UK, one in Manila.

As for my college friends in Baguio, of course when I went back here in Naga.. I was the one who left. Most of them are still in Baguio and some are in Manila. I visit them for only once a year and that's all. One, also left for the US =(

I have a set of friend since high school.. but is of different level.. I can see them everyday but the connection is different. I managed to have 2 close friends about 3 years ago.. they're still here in Naga but we rarely see each other.

see... when i'm here they're anywhere and when i'm anywhere they're here.

Yes, we all have the means to reach all our friends wherever they may be, but proximity speaking, the presence of your friends around is still way too different with the presence of them through a channel.

hayyy si manay ina kc sinimulan ang drama. yan tuloy. hmmp

I Guess It's Not Over

STRIKE 1:
I was giving a Study Habits Survey this morning to first year high school students and as I was wrapping up the session, I saw a student seated in front writing his name on a colored paper as his name tag. I don't know what pushed me to glance on that student, to my surprise, I saw the name. A name that I think who is significant somehow in one way or another. But why his name??!

STRIKE 2
Something funny caught my attention in one application on facebook this morning.

Twice in one day??? This is getting creepy.

I think this is something I should not disregard.. the unknown force is telling me something I don't know yet. All I thought I was able to surpass that stage of questioning already, but I guess it's not over. Now what do I have to do now????

Then and Now

On the right side of this post is the Here Me Out sign... 

it's a playlist which contains the Then and Now songs of my life. 

These are just few of the songs that I listen to from time to time. 

Songs that I don't get tired of listening to and songs that only a few knows about. 

The others may be familiar to you. 

Just like you I like them not just because of the melody 

but because of the lyrics.


Makes me think and placid like the water
Makes me feel significant and better. 
Listen to the glee of the words
And feel the pain as inflicted by the world.
Heal the scars with time
Tuning in to your heart is not crime.

Songs that are part of my life... then, now and tomorrow.

More songs to come!

Beauty in a Beast

It was dusk of June 8, 2010, the atmosphere was loud and roaring because of the thunder. 

Lightning strikes everywhere causing people to cover their heads and ears.

A natural reaction to protect oneself because the "danger" is heard and seen.

It was like the sky was cracking like the soil when there's an earthquake. 

Definitely the weather yesterday jived with my emotions. 

The rain stopped but mine didn't.

When you look at the sky when lightning strikes, somehow it looks amazing beautiful

 but it was coupled with fear. 

This time might still be another visionary reminder not to attack the problem abruptly 

but rather attack the problem with caution. 

Remind oneself that there is always a benefit of the doubt in every situation. 

Optimism strikes but carry along with you acceptance with the outcome. 

Thunder, lightning and rain.. when combined.. they are...

energy in danger, challenge in fear and beauty in a beast. 

Once I Caught a Fish

How many "lightbulb" moments do you create whenever you are talking to someone? Well of course it depends upon who you are talking to. These lightbulbs reminds us of either something, somewhere or maybe someone. Fishes in the ocean will not be always caught through the mouth. If you are a fisherman using the simple fishing rod, all you need are slimy worms and stuffs as bait. If you are a fisherman on a vessel trying to fish for the mature ones, then prepare for huge hooks or nets that can take out huge catches.

Getting first hand informations by yourself is a relief and gives us a sense of satisfaction. Once I caught too many lightbulbs and fishes in the ocean. Some by chances and some by purpose. I may have used baits for the meantime but I'll definitely be preparing for huge hooks and nets knowing for big fishes.

Keep the lightbulb burning!

Counting Raindrops

Warning: Very RANDOM thoughts 


Can we really count raindrops? I hope we can so that we can easily go to sleep instead of counting jumping cows for that matter. 

Lately there have been so many questions, but there are limited answers. I'm jumping off from one statement to another. Are they connected? Somehow. 

Just another imagination, I hope we have substitutes that can play my role as me. Am I staying away from myself? I believe I am for years now. Even though I had the chance to continue my parade after quite some time. I still lack the nerve to stop it whenever I should. A lot of people are watching but only few can appreciate. 

I'd like to count the raindrops that touches my skin. I'd like to count the raindrops that cooled me up during the summer heat. I'd like to count the raindrops that brought me to know the existence of an umbrella.. a shield to keep myself safe. I'd like to count the raindrops that shed on my face that hid my face when I was crying.

Mr. Sandman please sprinkle me a little of your dust and let me fall asleep. 

It's Raining On My Parade

Burt Bacharach's song Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head is a song that makes me reminisce my college years especially my Philo Teacher. A very young professor and a Ph D Degree holder but very simple and humble. He made us realize that everything on earth will exist if we know how to keep them alive. Dealing with emotions of the human being will never be easy and it is from him that I learned that we must co-exist with everyone and everything around us. Currenlty, I am co-existing with my inner conflicts and it's not a question anymore that I am really disheartened by this.

I never thought it would hurt that much. I would be a hypocrite if I say that I didn't know that I'll get hurt. Clearly my fault and no one else can be blamed. It's a happy parade with enough color and radiance, with the right people and company, with the enough contentment and glee. But it seems everything is leading towards the boulevard of temporary happiness. I was enjoying now knowing that I might not enjoy tomorrow. Carpe Diem? It feels good to take in the power of now, but I know it feels bad if you know you'll end up nothing. I kept my hopes up even though I know that from the very beginning it would be a cloudy chance. No matter how dark the clouds may be, I guess I do know how to fight now instead of taking flight. Nevertheless, I know my effort wasn't enough, I still have to work on it though. The mind boggling question is this, am I still willing to hope? Am I still willing to try or am I ready to cry?

There, I acknowledged that what I'm doing is my fault, now what? Again, I have to face the consequences and face the wrath of tomorrow :(

I hope the parade will stop. I hope I can stop my own parade. :( I really need to.
Somebody told me that it might rain on my parade and sad to say it's really raining now, raindrops are falling on my head. :(

Fast-Forward

To assume is bad for one's sanity.

Prepare oneself for unwanted thoughts and unwanted feelings.

Accept the facts that you are currently feeling.

After accepting them then use them to outwit them.

Reject them out of your system and bring back your sanity.

It's never fun to be worrying about things you don't have to worry.

Can there be a fast play?

Can anyone push the fast-forward button please =(

I'm stuck, I really am =(

I want to get this over with 

Road Domination

Last April 23 to May 1, 2010 my family had our looongggg trip after quite some time. When we say long trip it means more than our 12 hours straight driving to Baguio. It was my firs time to be the co-pilot of my Paps. We crossed bridges, mountains, rivers, railroad tracks and arches of different types. Dry and wet, windy and humid, these are just few of the the weather conditions during our one week trip.

Baguio, Ilocos Sur and Norte (Vigan, Baluarte, Cape Bojeador, Bangui Windmills, Patapat Viaduct, Pagudpud Beach and Tarlac (Central Asukarera de Tarlac) were our three  major provinces that we visited. I never thought that I would be enjoying as much as I could ever imagine. What made the trip memorable was I was able to witness almost every town the we passed by and I am glad that I was able to capture most of them. I felt every minute and every hour of our trip. I was able to vent out and free myself from other worries. I can say that I was able to the enjoy the "now" that I experienced yesterday. Our Sittie is so mighty but sexy. Kudos to Sittie and kudos to my Paps, my idol in driving =). Together we dominated the road and our family bonded to the max. Hundred of my pics are in my facebook account. 'Till our next road domination!

Leverage

How stupid of me not to think about that leverage? I've been sitting comfortably on the swing pushing myself alone as the wind embraces me to tranquility that I forgot there are other stuffs on the playground. Which would you prefer? (as asked by fanget) "Swift fast death or a malingering illness in which your chance of survival is 0 to none?". Instant death or endure the pain long enough? (Fanget naman! ngayon ko lng napansin na it's both leading to death! Hmmp)

I'm ready for the rain on my parade. The what if yesterday might be stronger than my what if  that i'm bringing tomorrow. Crap all these what ifs! No matter how vague we get, the truth is, we will still land on the ground. If you're on a seesaw you'll never be always on top and always down. No matter what you do you'll still go down and get off to go on with life. Get off the seesaw and see the world around you! You're vision is not limited to the up and down that the leverage is bringing you.

Hayy fanget, i don't know what i'd do without you. Thanks for popping out my head once more and pulling me out of my comfort zone. >:D<.

Wedding Dream

This entry is not a prelude to my dream wedding. This is literally my wedding in somebody else's dream. 


My officemate ma'am angie had a dream the other night. It was my first time to hear someone share a dream with me as the main character. Guess what guys, I was about to get married in that dream. Of all kinds of dream that someone could have dreamed of why would it be a wedding scene and why me? It was the talk first hour in the morning inside the office and I was there in the hot seat. Do you know why?


Here's the dream:


Ma'am Angie said that she was part of the entourage, everybody else was marching on the isle and everybody was happy. I was dressed in all white with very long hair and with bangs. As of now I have a shorter hair compared to about a month ago and yep I have bangs now. The motif  was gold and red. What?? Gold and red?? Is that a good color combination? Lolz. The ladies in the entourage wore gold dress with sort of  red belt on the waist. While the men wore Barong but with Red shirt underneath. Quite hilarious though but very interesting. It was a GARDEN WEDDING with lighted isle, what caught the attention of my colleague were two sort of lamps hanging on the both sides of the aisle. In the dream Ma'am Angie headed towards me to kiss me best wishes, then as Ma'am Angz was looking for who the groom is.. she heard a voice "one mimim please". Ma'am Angie's toddler was waking her up to prepare him milk.


Poooofff no image of the groom was seen because the dream was simply cut off out of clutter. As to how he look looks like, how tall or short he is, how fat or thin or any of his physical attributes, the question is, have I met him or I'm about to meet him?


Everybody else in the office was trying to describe the groom thinking that it would fit somebody I personally know. Sad to say, even though how may descriptions they give, again, the groom is yet to be seen.

Legend of the Guardians

I believe I'm excited to watch this movie by September 24, 2010. I saw the trailer before the movie Clash of the Titans. The song Kings and Queens caught me because it was familiar, but beforehand I really didn't like the song not until I saw this trailer. The soundtrack fits the trailer and it fits the flight of the Owls of Ga'Hoole! Woah I can't believe I'm actually excited once more for a movie. This is a must see in 3D. I loved Happy Feet, I'm sure this will be as great as the stomping of the feet of the penguins as much as the flight of the owls. Oh not to mention, the owls are so cute!

Let the countdown begin!

Double Vision

i just had some double vision this morning for about 10 seconds.

whenever i look at this photo of Uma Thurman above, my eyes can still feel what i felt when i had them.

when i was about to sign some test results, i looked down on the paper and it happened.

obviously i can't see properly, i tried to blink, still the same, i tried to close my eyes, my tear ducts started to secrete tears as i tried to move my eyeballs. when i closed my eyes i even rubbed them (i hope that gesture of rubbing will not make it any worse) then little by little my vision returned to normal.

for a while, i got scared. what was that? i panicked for a moment because it's the first time i experienced such. 

i tried to look it up on the internet and i didn't like it. if there's a second display of this double vision, i will now consult an ophthalmologist to be sure. i hope this is just plain eye strain... aka caused by stress. 

no eyeglasses for me as much as possible.

i love my eyes. 

Where is the You?

The song When God Made you by Natalie Grant was introduced to me by one of our GC's here in the university. She, being single thought of sharing it to us specifically to the single ladies in our office. I thought I would be clinging to the song of Michael Buble entitled Just Haven't Met You Yet for quite some time but I guess I still am.

The song When God Made You is just an enlightenment. Have a little faith might not be enough, but just have faith will be more than enough.

Where is the You that the song When God Made You is telling me and where is the you that I just Haven't Met yet.

When God Made You by Natalie Grant

It's always been a mystery to me
How two hearts can come together
And love can last forever
But now that I have found you, I believe
That a miracle has come
When God sends the perfect one

Now gone are all my questions about why
And I've never been so sure of anything in my life

chorus:
I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you
I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true
When God made you
He must have been thinking about me

I promise that wherever you may go
Wherever life may lead you
With all my heart I'll be there too
From this moment on I want you to know
I'll let nothing come between us
I'll love what ever you love

chorus:

He made the sun He made the moon
to harmonise in perfect tune
One can't move without the other
They just have to be together
And that is why I know it's true
You're for me and I'm for you
Cause my world just can't be right
Without you in my life

I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you
I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true
He must have heard every prayer I've been praying
Yes, He knew everything I would need
When God made you
When dreams come true
When God made you
He must have been thinking about me

Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts

I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track

Talk myself in, I talk myself out

I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it

I came up with a million excuses

I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out

You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up

I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck

Wherever you are, whenever it's right

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing

And, baby, your love is gonna change me

And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out

You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair

In love and war

But I won't need to fight it

We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing

And being in your life is gonna change me

And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out

And I'll work to work it out

Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get

Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh, you know it'll all turn out

And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out

And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get

Yeah, I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet

Oh, promise you, kid

To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love

Love, love, love, love

(I just haven't met you yet)

Love, love, love, love

Love, love

I just haven't met you yet

Disappear

No matter what you do good, all they see are the bad ones over and over and over and over and over againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

I wish I can just disappear.

Murderer: Killing Time

I'm out, alone, with my Curly Tops and Ellie. Oops, I bought a book a while ago, hopefully I can read it and finish everything in a few days. Been wanting to have a copy of Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie, I've read lines from the book that a friend once shared. So there, I bought my copy. I've seen this book few years back, but I never intended to buy it before. The cover looks plain and boring so I didn't bother. The true essence of a book isn't always seen from the cover. It was wrong of me to judge the book by its cover. You have to flip the page and dig into the couch and savor every word that your eyes read.

This was my initial plan for the day.

A. Go on a road trip. Waste some gas to feel the road. It makes me feel stronger.

B. Watch a movie at the cinema.

C. To top it all, be alone with myself.

On my right is Ellie, with earphones plugged and the other end in my ears playing random songs. The noise in this place is just not conducive to being alone and reflecting, but I can stand it. I just had to hit the volume loud enough to look as if there's no one else with me. I came here in a coffee shop with with two other customers in front of me, I just don' t know if how many hours were they here, but still they're here. Can anyone of you leave now so that I can transfer there on the cozy couch? :D I came here at around 11:30 am, it's now 2:31 pm at this very moment.

I'm a murderer, I killed time and still killing it now. Good thing it didn't cry out loud, no blood came out. If time is alive, I guess time has died for a million times, but it's immortal. I wanted to sit idly but Curly Tops just doesn't want to be left out or rather this is my pacifier. I can vent out with him when I'm feeling sad. I ordered one White Mocha Java Tall, and this time the hot version and not the Java Frost. A few hours after, I had my second order, Lasagna.

It's funny when people go to coffee shops or any other restaurants just to surf the net. Of course you have to pay for the food that you have to order. It's but mandatory to order something if you're going to sit using their utilities. haha Mahiya ka naman sitting there without ordering anything. Sip the coffee by milliliters, every after 15 minutes, it would take you hours just to finish the whole drink. Order one by one if you're planning to stay for a few hours. Are you paying for the coffee? Are you paying for the food? Are you paying for the wifi service? The answer is yes for all the three questions, but I'm paying to be alone. Crap, what kind of reasoning is that?! Ang emo naman. Kidding aside, I just wanted to feel every bit of me right now, reflecting what has happened after 2010 opened it's doors to all of us.

To conclude, I laid my 3 plans, I only achieved the last one, PLAN C.

Plan A Fall Back: One of the rear tires got punctured. Good thing it wasn't my fault. Paps had to had it vulcanized. So no road trip for me, and I saved up some gas.

Plan B Fall Back: After having my pedicure done, I thought I'll be watching any of the movies here in this mall. Too bad, I got lazy.

Plan C VICTORY: Literally not alone, because there's a lot of people around me. What I'm saying is, I went here alone, talking to no one, except when I ordered for my food. So there, I killed time and still killing it now. Is there anyone who wants to save time for me? Don't dare or I'll eat you! haha If you have a perfect reason to save time with me, you have to prove that you're worth my time. Naks. As if meron. haha

I just wanted to nourish my mind and soul. This is why I'm murdering time now.

Btw, one downside of being alone while you're out is this, walang magbabantay sa gamit mo kung wiwiwi ka na. waaaa lalo na hnd ka pa naman aalis. hahaha

Joan's Cube

Life is colorful... just like the Rubik's Cube.

Which cube do you prefer to look at, the solved cube or the unsolved cube? Both of them are still colorful. Life with problems and without problems are both colorful. It just depend on how you perceive them that makes it colorful or not.

I hope solving problems or confusions is just like solving the Rubik's Cube.

By just following the pattern you'll get to put all the colors together on the same side.

But if you do not have the patience to follow the pattern, chances are, you'll never solve the cube

We control our own cube. We control our own life.

Shoe Swings for Mood Swings

I am not a "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" kind of girl as Marilyn Monroe performed her song with the same title. I'd rather save up rather than purchase those shining shimmering bling blings that are top of the line. Though my mom at times let me use a few whenever there are important occasions, still I don't find them worthy of my savings. What would be my material best friend that is commonly used? Shoes and sun glasses. The shoe addiction really runs in the family but the sun glasses addiction makes me and my sister guilty about it. I had a bad day today, or shall I say a not so good day. I totally forgot that I don't have any black shoes at home now, because some were already given to our relatives. I was planning to borrow in order for me not to spend but I ended up buying a new pair. To make myself feel better I just said to myself "ok lng, wla na akong black shoes eh parati nlng sandals". Lesson learned: If you're upset, stay away from malls or any store that will tempt you empty your wallets.

Shoes gives women a kind of uplifting stature especially high heeled shoes. If one wears flat shoes it means that she's quite lazy or it's just an ordinary day for her. While more women find it comfortable to use flats, some would still use high heeled shoes even for a walk in the mall. Shoe swings as mood swings. The shoes of a woman will also depend on the her mood.

Oh, btw, I'm all set for my task tomorrow. Kris Aquino or whoever Aquino will come, my shoe is ready, but my dress isn't. Although I have them already hanged in my closet, the problems is, which one to wear in the morning and which one to wear in the afternoon-evening? These are just simple tasks yet women find it difficult to choose. It's indeed a girl thing that no man can understand.

See you tomorrow!

*the sparkling thing on the shoe is not a bling bling sort of thing. It just added to the shoes' velvet feel of the material making it look more attractive